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How to Become the Person You Really Want to Be - Advice from a Relationship Coach

If you've always justified your negative behaviors by saying "I was born with this personality and that's just the way I am". It's time to change your tune and get an attitude adjustment. Personality is also about the choices we make and the things we do. And because much of what we do is learned, it's possible to train ourselves to act differently. Here's what you can do to make it happen.
Like any kind of life change, changing your personality starts with desire, then calls for motivation, effort and time. It also helps to begin by making relatively small changes. Instead of promising to become more agreeable 24/7, modify how you act in situations where that trait comes into play. For instance, if you'd like to be less irritable with your partner, try listening with more empathy during your next argument. Small changes can eventually snowball into bigger ones.

Here's other key ways to help change your personality for the better.

Afraid to speak up? Jump to the end of the discussion and imagine how you'd feel if you walked away saying nothing. Focus on that regret and you'll talk despite yourself.

Worrying can be a way of finding solutions, but not if your thoughts keep going in circles. To break the fretting cycle, ask yourself where worry is getting you. Being able to see that the answer is NOWHERE will help you learn to do it less.
· Ask yourself "what's the worst thing that could possibly happen?"
· "Could I get through it?" 95% of the time your answer will be yes, I could get through it. So stop worrying!

The more you give in to fear, the more fearful you'll be. On the other hand, the more you take risks, the more you'll want to take them. The only way to be more daring is to keep doing new things. Push your limits. Life's biggest rewards come from our biggest challenges.
· Go to a movie alone
· Speak to the stranger next to you in the check-out line
· Give a speech
· Take a rock climbing lesson

Ask friends or family to call you on it when you're being negative, then make a point of saying something positive instead. Over time, you'll start to notice how you react yourself. That's when you'll be able to modify your behavior.
· Challenge yourself to give 3 compliments to someone or make 3 positive comments about something every day. They can be to friends, co-workers or strangers. Doesn't matter, just do it.
It will soon become a habit and you'll start to look for the good in others instead of always be critical.

Having a happy personality isn't magical; it takes effort. Your brain cannot process fear and gratitude at the same time. It's impossible. If you want to be happier and have less fear….which is the cause of anger, hate and all negative behavior….develop an attitude of gratitude. Start pushing yourself to do things like answering the phone with a bright hello or smiling at the receptionist when you get to work in the morning, that cheerfulness will become more and more automatic.
· Start a gratitude journal. Last thing at night or first thing in the morning, written down 3 things you are thankful for. Just simple things in life that give you joy or make you smile. This puts you in a gratitude state of mind, which will make you more happy, more appreciative and cheerful.

You can change your personality for the better. Tackle one trait at a time, make a plan, set a goal and stick to it. The positive changes will come…in time.

For more information, please visit: Val Baldwin.

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