Hallett, a Taylorsville mom of three, struggled for years trying to be the perfect mom. Now, she plays her harp to put her at ease.
Like many women, Hallett grew up watching old TV shows.
“I wanted to be that mom in the dress and the pearls and the high heels and have dinner on the table every night when my husband came home,” she said.
But soon that pressure, and a history of depression, was too hard to handle.
“If I couldn't do it perfect on those days that I was not feeling my best and I was really feeling that dark cloud, I wouldn't do anything,” Hallett said.
Then, she faced an unimaginable tragedy. Two days after giving birth to her second daughter, Amy was forced to bury her. A year later, on the anniversary of her daughter’s death, Hallett was caring for a toddler and overwhelmed by a full-term pregnancy.
“The anxiety was so strong, was so heavy, that I just convinced myself that there was just no way, there's no way I could be a mom anymore, that I couldn't do it, I couldn't,” Hallett said, crying.
She considered suicide, until her calling as a mother changed her heart.
“Realizing that I was not perfect and that I needed help was what finally helped me to turn around,” Hallett said.
Like many Utah moms, Hallett turned to anti-depressants to tackle her depression, and it worked.
“That doesn't mean I don't have dark days because I do, but I’m trying to learn to manage them,” she said.
Today, Hallett is managing just fine. She’s off her meds, and from time to time she finds a moment of peace, putting the push to be the perfect mom in perspective.
“If I’m not taking care of myself I’m not going to be a good mom. I can't take care of them if I’m not taking care of myself too,” she said.
Medication and music helped Hallett, but experts say moms can lighten their load by taking time out for themselves.
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