"Many have been confused at why romance and dating has become so painful (including me!)
To better understand what's going on, I started interviewing other singles (and couples) over the last 5 years.
- Surprising theme: many couples felt driven to break-up when one person suddenly "stopped feeling it."
I see the same pattern in my professional work with depression - "oh, I must be messed up inside." What if there's nothing fundamentally wrong with those facing depression (or singlehood?) And what if there's a lot going on in the larger culture around us that plays a big role?
Thanks to the cultural soup we're all swimming in, by default, we carry around a persuasive script or story of what romance and true love is SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE.
It goes something like this, "You'll know you have found true love when you feel this way: intense, continuous passion. Period."
If you believe that...then guess what? When intense passion goes away...so does love. And so might you!
To learn more, visit www.notfeelingit.org or check out "Once upon a time, he wasn't feeling it anymore" on Amazon.com.
Dr. Jacob Hess is the co-founder of All of Life, a public health non-profit that creates online mindfulness-based classes for depression, anxiety and ADHD (www.alloflife.org). He has authored 13 peer-reviewed articles on long-term depression treatment outcomes and clashing narratives of socio-political and mental health issues. Jacob's first book on liberal-conservative dialogue, with Dr. Phil Neisser (Political Science Chair at SUNY-Potsdam), entitled "You're not as crazy as I thought, but you're still wrong," was featured on Huffpost Live and NPR's This American Life (here). Jacob holds a Ph.D. in clinical-community psychology from the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign, and works as research director at Utah Youth Village. He is currently training with the Center for Mindfulness at the University of Massachusetts to teach Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction. He lives in Farmington, Utah, with his wife, Monique, and two boys who make sure their daddy smiles at least 12 times per day.