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The Perfect Wife: pornography and marriage

SALT LAKE CITY, Utah (ABC 4 News) - Two Utah women, who live different lives, have a striking similarity, the pressure to be the perfect wife. And they say pornography is at the root of the problem.
Two Utah women, who live different lives, have a striking similarity, the pressure to be the perfect wife. And they say pornography is at the root of the problem.

Let’s break pornography down by the numbers. 77% of people watch it, more than 12% of websites show it, and each year almost three billion dollars is spent on it.

“I would definitely say it's a bigger problem here than any other state I’ve been,” said Lindon mother of 5, Carina. She asked us not to disclose her last name.

She said pornography caused her parents divorce, and now it's affecting her own.

“I found out pornography was a factor about a year and a half ago,” she said.


Her husband was acting strangely, and spending more and more time on his smart phone after work, so she knew something was wrong.

“One night he just came to me and said I’m really scared, I've been looking at pornography and I’m afraid the company is going to find out,” Carina said.

She was furious, but she's not alone. We also spoke with a Northern Utah mom who asked us to conceal her identity. She said she never thought of porn as a problem.

“It wasn't really something prevalent in my marriage, it wasn't something that we discussed or did together, but it was something that after I was divorced I realized how deep in it he was,” she said.

After her husband had an affair, she discovered thousands of porn files on their computer, sending her into a spiral.

“It made me feel worthless, it made me feel like he didn't need me, that I wasn't enough,” she said.

Clinical Psychologist Mark Chamberlain said that's a common reaction.

“The pressure women feel because of pornography is great,” Chamberlain said.

The damage it does to men, could last a life time. He said a recent study shows pornography can decrease the attraction a man feels for his partner.

But, Chamberlain said for most men, viewing pornography is really about filling a hole.

“What we find with most men is that it's not between their wife and a different woman. It's between reality which includes my wife, my marriage, my job, my life, and as escape, which pornography is,” he said.

That gives Carina comfort, so does the counseling she and her husband are about to start.

“My hope out of this is that my husband really is done with it,” she said.

If you or someone you know is battling a pornography addiction, Chamberlain said seek help immediately. He said the process takes time. He also recommends therapy and support groups for addicts, their partners, couples, and families.

For more information on treatment, click here.


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