Today, 47 percent of families in the United States report that pornography is a problem in their home, according to the National Coalition for the Protection of Children & Families, an Ohio-based nonprofit organization working to promote Christian values.
It is no surprise considering the breadth and reach of pornography. According to Enough is Enough — a Virginia-based nonprofit organization formed in 1994 to make the Internet safer for children and families — worldwide pornography revenue is estimated to be more than $97 billion dollars, with $13 billion of that spent in the United States. The porn industry in the U.S. rakes in more money than ABC, NBC and CBS combined. Every second, 28,258 viewers are looking at pornography and 372 Internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines. Every 39 minutes, a new pornographic video is made in the United States, according to Enough is Enough.
To rebuild trust, the one looking at pornography must act decisively to become trustworthy again. Your partner cannot trust again until you have done your part to become trustworthy. You don't like that this has to happen first, but it is true.
If You have an issue with pornography then You need to face this responsibility like an adult. You made the mess. You need to clean it up. There will be no trust until you become trustworthy, which means your partner will need at least three things from you:
1) Your Complete Openness and Honesty
These go a long way towards rebuilding trust by eliminating fear.
2) Your Patience as your partner Heals
Your partner deserves all the patience they need. Betrayal’s damage demands gentle care, and you owe your partner that much simply out of restitution, if nothing else. You wounded your partner, You need to help them heal.
Make no mistake, the damage is real, and healing takes time.
3) Your Trustworthy Acts
You must give your partner every right to play a role in defining what “trustworthiness” means to them in your relationship, and they must be able to count on you to come through for them on these issues. For instance, if you don’t like to read, but they need you to read books on pornography recovery as a sign of commitment from you, you need to read or listen to the audio version of the book. If they defines trustworthiness as you attending marital counseling with them, you need to go. You need to show your trustworthiness in the way they need to see it.
Your partner also needs to see you being proactive in putting boundaries into your life. You must be the one buying the porn filters, and you must be the one placing your computer in an open area, like the family room or breakfast nook. You must be the one limiting your time on the web and setting tighter standards on the films you enjoy as a family, and you must be the one making sure you are part of an accountability group. As long as your partner is the one nagging you to get these things done, they will never feel a sense of trust because they will always feel that you are doing these things because you have to, and not because you want to in your heart.
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